Shit that irks me

Welcome to the first installment of "shit that irks me," an ongoing series of posts about...waaaait for it... shit that pisses me off. In honor of this inaugural run, I'll start off with something that irks me all day, every day. Socks. Yep, socks. those obnoxious fucking cotton things that go on your feet but inside your shoes. Now, I know what your saying, "but Cameron, they keep your shoes from stinking and keep your feet warm and ALL kinds of other great shit!"' Sure, this might be true, but lets go ahead and look at the headaches these little bastards cause:

1. It takes FOREVER to find a matching pair. Seriously, no matter how on top of my laundry I am, I have to pull out like 37 different socks from the drawer to find a compatible pair.

2. They fucking disappear. Just because you buy the friggin eight pack from Target DOES NOT mean you will wind up with eight new pairs. More like two. Seriously. No matter how many I buy, within twenty four hours I'm always left with no more than two pairs. I'm almost at the point of pulling a Steve Martin and just ripping out two pairs and just buying them that way. At least then I know I won't ever have enough.

3. Holes. Motherfucking, goddamn holes all up in my shit! All the time! Oh my god that junk irks me. It's like this; After all the nonsense and hullabaloo of finding that matching pair. Amidst the sea of socks you swear you've never seen before, you find the ones you need. Sweet Jesus thank you, I can leave now. So, you put them on, and slide your feet into your shoes. But, something's just not right, Your foot feels all jangly and shit. So, you investigate. And, wouldn't you know it... Fucking holes all up in that shit. Fuck! Now you've got to make a decision; Repeat step one and spend god-knows how long looking for a new pair, hoping they too don't have holes. Or, just roll with that shit, and have that annoying hole-in-the-sock shit all day.

So, in summation, fuck socks. Fuck 'em in the ear.